On the subject of LOVE...

...I honestly don't know half as much as I'd like to.

Let's be honest:  my idea of LOVE is by no means everyone else's.  My first sexual relationship was in a threesome and that tends to skew one's perceptions.

Not a very good way to start a blog posting, I know.  Let's try again.

I know something of Love, but not enough.  I've been in a few relationships and I've mainly known where I stood, except for the relationship I had with Rocco, but anyway.  None of them were all good, but NONE of them had parts where the bad outweighed the good.  I've loved and lost, and repeated the process a few times.  And yet, I by no means believe that the process is ready to end just yet.

In Greek, there are five words for love.  They have English equivalents, but I like the idea that for some of them you need to experience it to understand it (like the Xhosa concept of "rhala"-ring something).

Right, First off:

1. ἀγάπη agápē (Agape):  This is "unconditional love" as used in Modern Greek ( Σ'αγαπώ  s'agapo ("I love you")), though in Ancient Greek it was a more general term for deep affection or "true love", as compared to eros, which is more sensual.  In the Bible the term is more akin to "sacrificial love", and in ancient texts also as a feeling towards one's children or a spouse.  The early Christians used this term to describe the love of God.
2. ἔρως érōs (Eros):  is more passionate love, leaning towards sensuality, desire and longing.  The modern term "eratos" means "intimate love"; however, this doesn't by any means mean "eros" is sexual in nature. Think of it as more than friendship (philia) but less than agape.  It's also used for a dating relatinship and a marriage.  The writer Plato had a whole definition of his own, but since I dont understand it, you'll have to go and find it for yourself.  I will say that a more physical meaning of eros is the appreciation of beauty, youthful or otherwise, without being sexual.
3. φιλία philía (Philia):  This means "friendship" or "affectionate love" in Modern Greek.  As a concept developed by Aristotle, it's a virtuous, dispassionate love, and includes loyalty to friends, family and the community.  In the old texts, philos was more widely used and described a general type of love, such as between family, friends, desire or the enjoyment of an activity, or between lovers.
4. στοργή storgē (Storge):  This is "affection" in Ancient and Modern Greek.  It's natural, such as what parents feel for their children.  Apparently it wasn't much used in ancient works, and when it was it was more to describe relationships within the family.  The description also expresses it mere acceptance or "putting up with" situations (think of "loving" the tyrant.

I've been going through mixed feeling about Love recently, mainly because of the series I'm reading at the moment, the Kushiel's Legacy trilogies by Jacqueline Carey.  Simply put, I've really started thinking very seriously about an oft-repeated line that says, "Love as thou wilt".  Simply put:  "Follow your heart."  I like this precept so much.  It's simple and really says that we need to be more honest with ourselves and who/what we love.  I mean, I love my friends, and while I was going through my most promiscuous stage, I really and honestly did love the men that came to my bed.  If you want to call it lust, go for it; however, isn't "lust" just a form of short-lived Love?  I like to think so, because, let's face it, you don't get horny for someone who doesn't do it for you on some level.  Argue?

On top of that, our Pestilence lessons have been focusing on us knowing ourselves, and the ollamh has really been making us face that.  I love so much, but there's so much space in my heart for Love that it's a wonder I don't feel emptier than I do.  I realise how much of a twit this makes me sound, or a sap, but I feel I need to get this off my chest and share it.

I have issues, and the biggest ones are with Love.  J loves saying it's because of Rocco leaving, but in truth, I had issues even before that.  I like the fleeting sense of Love that gives you butterflies and makes you excited to see someone special.  I had that, and not just with one person; I had butterflies for a few guys, each of whom had his own place in my heart for his own reasons.  Let's take the dearly departed H:  he taught me to look for the happy surprises in life, because for as long as we worked in the same building and knew of each other, neither of us were brave enough to try and do anything about it.  However, I ALWAYS felt butterflies when I saw him or got a message from him.  Up until the last time we saw each other (a month before he died) my guts would flutter when I saw a message with his name on it.  I lost them all the day I found out he'd died.

I miss my butterflies.  I know it's a case of get over it and get them back, but with J, I never had them to begin with.  We just slipped into our relationship like a hot knife into butter.  Z, I can already see the images your head's forming...

So, starting now, I'm going to try and live more by the precept of "Love as thou wilt".  I'm hereby allowing myself to have more butterflies, from whoever I meet.  Yes, I realise how this both sounds and looks, but you know what?  I hold myself back from so much because of "what if"-s and "maybe this is a good ideas"-s and "how would the other person feel"-s every day.  I'm now, officially, opening up my heart to more Love.

PS:  There's a white background to the script in the Words for Love section; to read, just highlight that part with your mouse.  I'm sorry it's there, I just don't know how to get rid of it.  Love you all!