As shocking as it may seem to people, I am not a very happy person. Or maybe it isn't so shocking. I'm not sure.
I stress and I worry, nine times out of ten for no reason than the possibility of danger. I get so caught up in what MIGHT happen that I forget that, nine times out of ten, nothing actually happens.
So, that said, I have been working on latting myself be more positive. It hasn't been easy, and I want to sit here and blame my childhood and all the moving around that we did and where we stayed and and and. In fact, I made my 37th move two weeks ago and the stress has been killing me. Up until the move I was making stupid mistakes in the shop, my memory's been shot to scheisse and I haven't slept properly, as in, waking up feeling fully rested. Add that to how quiet the shop has been and increased travelling costs and all in all, you have one VERY stressed out Leo.
But you know what? I have a roof over my head. I have the means to get to and from work. I have clothes to wear for my work, and I work. I earn the money doing something. As it were.
It's difficult to explain exactly how the change started happening, the "happy" one, I mean. I tried the Secret approach for a while and nothing happend; I took Postulancy classes, and yes, they helped a little bit, but not as much as I'd hoped. Rephrase: not too well on their own ( I'll explain lower down ). My cards, and using them to help others, were always a huge help, but even they stopped helping. Or rather, Life, real life, this long, terrible, boring thing in which we work for peanuts, terrible bosses ( or just terribly disorganised bosses ), odd hours of the day and in some cases little to show for it, got in my way. The corporate world, in so many ways, is just one big giant leech to make other people, often people you've never heard of, rich.
And, by Goddess, I let that get in my way?
Well, forget that.
My name is Dieter. It comes, by slight change, from the 5th Century Germanic Theodoric. Do you know what it means? Ruler of the people. And by the Mother, I will be a ruler of people. Mayhap not a literal ruler, but I will lead by example and try to improve the world around me with smiles, real ones, not the ones you wear when your world crumbles. I've been wrestling with my emotions for a while, and I'm making the concsious decision to be more upbeat about life in general, more trusting in the ways that matter, and more open to happiness.
I say all of this because it took a random tarot reading to get me to see what was wrong. The long and short of it is that I have to let go of the old ideas I have aobut myself. I have to shake off those bonds and let myself rise like the Phoenix does and burn my way forward. I'll Transcribe the reading as soon as my line at home is up and running, but suffice it to say it really made sense.
I asked the Reader, a proper tarot witch, what I had to do to get started on that path, and she flat out told me, I need to be more confident in myself. Time I am, eh, what?
So: SMILE, BITCHES!! It gives your face something to do and will affect your mood for a while.
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