Over the last few days I've thought out, typed and re-typed this post in various forms. Each paragraph I've put into words has had something lacking, of I've found myself digressing from the message I'm trying to get across and then have a total Adventure Time moment (fans of this American cartoon will know exactly what I'm talking about...)
So I'm going to try and simplify it and take it piece by piece and, hopefully, not stray too far from what I'm trying to say here tonight.
(Please keep in mind: focusing for any long period of time is difficult for me and I tend to fidget; when I'm typing my hands are occupied and I've found me mind taking over the fidgeting if I don't keep a hold on this. So, I really do apologise if something I'm typing doesn't immediately make sense.)
Growing up we have different heroes depending on our moods or stages of life itself. When I was five my hero was Superman and Bravestarr; the power of flight and the ability to take on different animals' strongest aspects has always appealed to me and even now, I find myself watching the Bravestarr movie just because I can. Superman has the Justice League and now, among them, I have no favourite heroes - they all are.
When I got a bit older and started reading and getting into history I found a new set of heroes: Bast, or Bastet, out of the Egyptian pantheon was almost a Patroness to me, with her sister-aspect Sekhmet; Sobek with his crocodile smile; Ra with his ability so see all. After st.5 this expanded and included the Tuatha de Danann, the Irish pantheon, as well.
Even now, as an adult now longer in their twenties, my list of heroes grows and changes and I find myself respecting each of these figure for the different aspects they represent.
However, as much as I enjoy my mythological and pop-culture heroes, I have a few sets of very real heroes in my "real" life as well.
(If I don't mention you, please understand it isn't anything against you; everyone I know helps me in some way.)
Amongst my friends, I have The Boys. The Old Man has (accidentally) made a name for himself, and yet not once let that actually go to his head. If needs be, he can honestly list his accomplishments, both chosen and assumed, and then in the next breath breach a bottle of wine, grab a box of smokes and drag you outside to empty the bottle (and maybe the next few) with him. Chappies, his husband, loves cooking and baking. I've had some of the most amazing experimental dishes of my life with this man and between us we can always find something to talk about in the culinary fields, whether it is a new recipe, something one or both of us want to try, or his elves and dragons and our shared love of calligraphy (although since we had to move out of the house I've let my calligraphy slip badly). These two are humble and I really learn a lot from them, in terms of life experiences and the way to handle certain situations with style.
Then there's Honey. Goddess knows how many hours the two of us have "wasted" just sitting talking kak until the off hours of the morning. One of the prime examples is when we went to a rural town during the last few months of I think 2014 and we had to sleep in the car as the lady we were visiting was having the floor in her house redone and there literally wasn't a surface for us to sleep on. We lay in the car's seats talking 'til almost half past one in the morning before I passed out, but we heard this really loud cricket under the car at one point and both started talking at once. The image we both conjured up was that of a really buff cricket standing right outside my window. Now, when I say buff, see in your mind's eye a bug. Four arms and moerse long antennae standing on two muscular legs at a almost seven feet tall and a jutting jaw. It took us half an hour to calm down. I've learnt from her to relax and say what I need to say when I feel the need to say it. I've also learnt that not everything needs to simply be accepted as rote and there are definitely times when running away from something is a good idea...
In my family I have Auntie Cobra. We've had out head-butting sessions and one or two screaming matches, but we've always bounced back. She's always there and will help where she can, even at times it seems to her own detriment. She really doesn't like too many people in her space, but whenever someone has needed it she's thrown open her doors and cleared out a space for them. I'm unable to do the same, but I want to be able to help wherever I can.
Then there's Tande. Tande has always done what could be done to make out lives better, even if it meant we couldn't see each other as much as we wanted. Then, when I was going through a really bad patch living on my own, earning a really measly salary, Tande helped me out almost the entire time with a few rands here, a few there, and if I really got stuck a few extra. I'm still trying to convince him to let me pay him back, but up until now I haven't even manged to get a "maybe" out of him. From him, I have learnt steadfastness and calm.
Next, is Silver. Silver has really tried to make a plan when things went sideways. Even sometimes without physically doing anything, just moving on and adapting to the situation when most people would have buckled. I have seen this woman go through some really sticky times and then laugh them off, often literally. At times she's been in serious sh**, then gone somewhere on some commitment and nobody had any idea, because she's taken their sh** and made them forget it without even mentioning her own. She does her fair share of talking about it, but the next thing you know she spins some story and people around her are often none the wiser. Silver handles her stuff herself and always finds a way to make a situation work. From Silver I have learnt adaptability and how to "speak" to people.
My last hero on this list is probably my most relevant right now, and ten to one will be for a very long time.
Oxford and I started dating, in a very strange sense, I might add, six months after meeting and chatting online. We spoke for six months before we met and suddenly BOOM! I found myself with a boyfriend that never once actually asked me out in the real sense of the word. We started going out and I was at the house he shared with his folks six nights out of seven. We had a hiccup where we were "informally" together for a year and a half because of kak that had to be dealt with. It was a few months after we were "officially" back together that he asked me to marry him and I accepted.
We went on with our lives as they had bee, seeing each other when we could, usually over weekends at that stage, and not really talking about how we would one day have our nuptials. From March to September 2014 I was doing admin at the college and Oxford and I got to see each other a bit more often. October of that year came and I was appointed to the position I have now, meaning that I had to move in with Oxford. At this stage we'd been going out for six years, but this was the first time we'd actually shared a living space.
It wasn't six months later that we moved into a flat on the same property of the house Silver was living in. Oxford had at this time lost his job in Table View and while he was looking for something else he played houseman, cleaning, cooking and shopping while I was at work during the day. Another six months later we moved into the main house and he continued his role of houseman, even when he got the job as a newspaper carrier and then started working with Crusty doing network installations. Our lease with the house was ended seven months after we moved into it and we had to move back in with Oxford's parents. He continued his role as houseman even when he often only got home some nights after 7:00.
Four months later, on a Tuesday evening, I had decided I'd had enough. I phoned up the marriage officer I'd been put in contact with for me to start planning our handfasting. I asked her if she had a spot before the weekend and on the evening of 30 September 2016 Oxford and I signed the paperwork that made us legal spouses.
(We are still planning a proper handfasting, but have had people telling me they don't want to come to the second-hand ceremony, or somesuch. Please, guys, that night in September was just for the legal stuff).
Anyway.
Oxford became my legal spouse that night and I have not been an easy person to be around at times. I moan and I complain and I can make a lot of noise. I also have the tendency to get annoyed with little things, things I wouldn't do myself, but Oxford does, and I take this out on him. I have my really dark days where I want to say and do nothing and then Oxford just sits there and does nothing with me.
The list can go on.
What I'm trying to say is that through all of this Oxford has been there and although he moans and complains about having to take me somewhere sometimes (like the bus-stop at 5:00 am, or directly to work over weekends), he has stuck it out. He has been calm when I went coocookachoo, told me to go for or do something I wanted even when I felt we had other responsibilities and been the crazy I needed when I felt things weren't working out at that moment. Not to even mention the stuff he's done for me when I've been sick with bronchitis or pneumonia.
So, my greatest hero right now: My husband. Just for being mine right now.
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